i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
