remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
