if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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