You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
