Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
