I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Be still, my beating vagina.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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