drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
