There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize