I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
