You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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