i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
