her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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