Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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