i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
