Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
