what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
