just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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