No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
