I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
