Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Houston, we have a squirter
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
