New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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