no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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