he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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