based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
