you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
