Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
