i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
