She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
