it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
