Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
