Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
