We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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