its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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