Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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