you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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