I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Houston, we have a squirter
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
