32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
