My balls are so social today.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
did i just pee glitter
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize