this beer tastes like vomit already
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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