Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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