My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
