I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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