You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
