You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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