OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
