im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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