and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
