Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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