ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
