how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize