i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
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