Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
