so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
