Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
