"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
