her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
