Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
