You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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