Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
