I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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