take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
