Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
