The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize