Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize