Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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