I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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