I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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