TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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