I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
